A New Kind of Normal
Has anyone asked you these questions?
You mean you aren't over it yet?
When will you be your old self again?
Isn't it time you just put this behind you?
Why aren't you the same anymore?
You mean you aren't over it yet?
When will you be your old self again?
Isn't it time you just put this behind you?
Why aren't you the same anymore?
Once our lives have been touched by tragedy, we will NEVER be the same. We will NEVER be our "old self" again. This does not mean that we will live the rest of our lives shrouded in a black cloud or living in the depths of depression. Ultimately, we will find a "new normal" and discover a way to go on with life, but it will never be the same again.
What happens is that our friends, family and support systems have gone on with their lives — with their normal lives. While they don't forget our loss, they cannot understand the constant impact it has on our daily lives. Their lives have continued despite what has happened in our lives. That is why they expect our lives to go back to the way it was before our loss. They still have laundry to do, meals to prepare, errands to run and work that must be accomplished. They can never understand the empty chair at the table, the trip down the grocery aisle past our loved one's favorites, the socks, jeans and shirts that no longer need to be folded or the events that can never be attended. How could they possibly know? How could they possibly understand — unless they experienced our same loss? We wouldn't wish that on anyone!
Remember the faces of the victims’ families one year later at the 9/11 memorial services? It was evident they had not "gotten over it!" President Bush offered comfort and condolences while the families held up photographs of their loved ones. Tears streamed down their faces, sobbing at their losses and collapsing in each other’s arms for solace and support. At The Compassionate Friends, each of us facing our own loss, feels no less pain than those families experience.
Remind your support system that your life will never be the same, but that you are working towards a "new normal." Remind them that you still need their understanding and support not unrealistic expectations.
January 2005: Lauren’s cousin was in Thailand covering the Tsunami. After reading “A New Normal” she wrote, "Do those words ever seem true! I look at these people's faces, and I see that life changed in a second — and this beautiful place on earth will never be the same. I cannot even imagine the type of loss these survivors have — where in some cases, everyone they know is gone.”
By Lauren Littauer Briggs - Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
What happens is that our friends, family and support systems have gone on with their lives — with their normal lives. While they don't forget our loss, they cannot understand the constant impact it has on our daily lives. Their lives have continued despite what has happened in our lives. That is why they expect our lives to go back to the way it was before our loss. They still have laundry to do, meals to prepare, errands to run and work that must be accomplished. They can never understand the empty chair at the table, the trip down the grocery aisle past our loved one's favorites, the socks, jeans and shirts that no longer need to be folded or the events that can never be attended. How could they possibly know? How could they possibly understand — unless they experienced our same loss? We wouldn't wish that on anyone!
Remember the faces of the victims’ families one year later at the 9/11 memorial services? It was evident they had not "gotten over it!" President Bush offered comfort and condolences while the families held up photographs of their loved ones. Tears streamed down their faces, sobbing at their losses and collapsing in each other’s arms for solace and support. At The Compassionate Friends, each of us facing our own loss, feels no less pain than those families experience.
Remind your support system that your life will never be the same, but that you are working towards a "new normal." Remind them that you still need their understanding and support not unrealistic expectations.
January 2005: Lauren’s cousin was in Thailand covering the Tsunami. After reading “A New Normal” she wrote, "Do those words ever seem true! I look at these people's faces, and I see that life changed in a second — and this beautiful place on earth will never be the same. I cannot even imagine the type of loss these survivors have — where in some cases, everyone they know is gone.”
By Lauren Littauer Briggs - Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.